And the truth shall set you free
Irony is a marvellous thing. I've rather gone on and on about the friend I lied to, and the irony of it all is for all her words about honesty and being open, she was neither. My dishonesty was not what destroyed the friendship; hers was.
If you've read my earlier posts you'll recall I wondered if perhaps she'd forgotten how much I cared? Well it appears perhaps it's not that I don't care enough, but that I care too much. I have been told I can "be too much" sometimes by many people, and now I've been told by a reliable source that she suggested I was smothering her.
This makes it all the more ironic that she should thank me so much for being so caring only to then throw that back at me. If you read my last post you know that she's consistently and constantly thanked me for being there, and yet, it appears I'm there too much now. Oh well, guess what? Now I won't be there at all. Which is a shame for her, because she's apparently going through a stage in her life where everything feels awful and she wants to die. Perfect time to lose a supportive friend then, eh?
Now you might say "Thanking you for being supportive wasn't an invite to smother her" and you'd be right. You might also think it's not dishonest. However telling me my conduct was inappropriate moments before breaking off the friendship seems a little unfair. It's a bit hard to modify your behaviour if someone doesn't tell you it bothers them. Oh no, but it gets worse. It seems she would tell me things were fine to my face and then go behind my back and complain about these same things to other people! I asked her if she minded certain aspects of my behaviour and she assured me she didn't and she'd let me know if that changed. I told her if she told me something I did was bothering her, I'd stop doing it.
She didn't. And now she's lost me. It's weird how knowing that has made me feel so much better, but it has. Knowing that it wasn't entirely my fault, knowing that she has to take the lion's share of the blame, it's refreshing, and it also makes me wonder when she's going to finally miss the attention.
If you've read my earlier posts you'll recall I wondered if perhaps she'd forgotten how much I cared? Well it appears perhaps it's not that I don't care enough, but that I care too much. I have been told I can "be too much" sometimes by many people, and now I've been told by a reliable source that she suggested I was smothering her.
This makes it all the more ironic that she should thank me so much for being so caring only to then throw that back at me. If you read my last post you know that she's consistently and constantly thanked me for being there, and yet, it appears I'm there too much now. Oh well, guess what? Now I won't be there at all. Which is a shame for her, because she's apparently going through a stage in her life where everything feels awful and she wants to die. Perfect time to lose a supportive friend then, eh?
Now you might say "Thanking you for being supportive wasn't an invite to smother her" and you'd be right. You might also think it's not dishonest. However telling me my conduct was inappropriate moments before breaking off the friendship seems a little unfair. It's a bit hard to modify your behaviour if someone doesn't tell you it bothers them. Oh no, but it gets worse. It seems she would tell me things were fine to my face and then go behind my back and complain about these same things to other people! I asked her if she minded certain aspects of my behaviour and she assured me she didn't and she'd let me know if that changed. I told her if she told me something I did was bothering her, I'd stop doing it.
She didn't. And now she's lost me. It's weird how knowing that has made me feel so much better, but it has. Knowing that it wasn't entirely my fault, knowing that she has to take the lion's share of the blame, it's refreshing, and it also makes me wonder when she's going to finally miss the attention.
Technorati Tags:
posted by Jesus Of Suburbia at 00:29
4 Comments:
Do you think friendhips are meant to be this close? IMHO relationships shouldn't even be this close. It's not 'healthy' to use the cliche.
I can't say that I agree, but I respect your right to a view. I think the strength of feeling you can feel for a friend can be pretty strong, yes, I think true friends are supposed to be that close.
In truth a relationship is merely a friendship with lust bolted on, so the same basic ingredients are in both, when it comes to the emotional side of things.
And I've stated, and I'm not ashamed of this, that my feelings towards her were not entirely platonic. This is changing quickly, as the truth is slowly uncovered, so don't quote me on that, but at the time I wrote this, I was a lot more involved.
Truth be told after a day to think about it I've found myself aloof to the situation. So perhaps you have a point...
Isn't it hypocritical of you to say you lied to her to protect her feelings and thus justify it when it seems like if she was telling other people how she felt, it was probably for the same reason. I mean, not to cast aspersions on what either of you must have thought but things like that are never easy to tell people.
When you say she ended it, do you intend to contact her again?
When I lied, it was because the truth would have only served to make her feel guilty and have had no positive benefits at all. Unlike with what she failed to tell me, telling her the truth wouldn't have allowed her to change the situation, whereas I could, and would, have adapted to meet her concerns, had she aired them to me. I even made a point of asking her to tell me if things weren't quite alright.
But you may have a point, things like that are never easy to tell people. And no, I don't intend to contact her again. I did so under the influence of a lot of tequila but with hindsight I know I only made things worse, so I've decided the ball is very much in her court.
If she's happy with the situation as it is, then that's fine, she won't ever hear from me again. I can't say this is the outcome I would prefer but I'm happy to settle for it if it's what she wants, and I told her that. In the end I only want what's best for her and her happiness.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home